I got to check out the Resident Evil: Extinction movie premier last weekend and it was a blast. They rolled out the red carpet right through the gaming floor of the beautiful Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino.

In addition to the stars of the film, including Ali Larder, Oded Fehr, and Ashanti, other celebs I spotted cruising around included Pam Anderson (unmissable), Nelly (not Furtado, just Nelly), and Sylvester Stallone. Mila Jojovich was also there of course, but extremely pregnant, so she kept a low profile.

I did spot her in the Planet Hollywood lobby buying something from the convenience store (possibly a machete), flanked by a profoundly unamused looking security guard with one of those cool secret service wires. Who’s he talking to on the other end of that wire anyway? I wonder sometimes if they are even talking to anybody at all, or if the wire is just an efficient way of communicating I am basically a professional can of whupass, so please note that in your calculations if youre thinking about trying something funny (where funny means pretty much anything apart from existing quietly somewhere outside of the security perimeter).

The Ridiculously Gigantic Bodyguards award, however, went to the Ashanti/Nelly entrance. How big were they, you ask? They were so big that you could actually see gravity bending around them, and Nelly and Ashanti standing together were invisible behind just one of them. I was just happy neither one was sitting next to me, and needless to say, nobody tried anything funny.

Despite all the celebs, the biggest star of the night was a gigantic pile of candy. After they took your ticket and you came off the red carpet, you were ushered inside what looked like a traditional theater lobby, with posters, exciting bits of flair, random neon signage, etc. There were girls flanking the entrance with martini glasses full of green and red drinks, trays of baffling hors doeuvres featuring an obscure pink paste on tiny slices of bread, and, in the middle of the room a giant pile of candy.

The effect of this giant pile is hard to describe. Why was it so exciting? Because movie candy is BETTER than regular candy. I don’t mean it tastes any different, or that they sell something you cant buy at any ordinary convenience store. Its just that its behind that big glass counter and costs $5 for no reason, so you know its the very BEST candy on the planet. If I were to come upon a giant pile of candy in the road, possibly from one of those overturned candy tankers you hear about on the news, I would be excited, but not extremely excited. Free candy? Whatever! I would say. As a full-powered adult, I can afford 75 cents for some Junior Mints whenever I want, so free candy has lost its special childhood attraction.

Well, free regular candy has lost its attraction. Free movie candy is still enough to drive me wild, and apparently I’m not alone. Pam Anderson is excitement, but free movie candy was just thrilling. People were falling all over themselves for the stuff, with shorter attendees even asking me nicely whether I could reach some of the higher candy after the most easily-grabbed stuff was gone. Overall the people in attendance were an interesting mix of Hollywood types and slack-jawed yokels that appeared to have won some kind of radio call-in promotion. I told myself I was closer to the Hollywood types than the yokels, but then I saw the 12 boxes of candy stuffed into my pockets and had to reconsider.

The after party was up on the Planet Hollywood roof deck and required some kind of separate ticket. Im not sure who was getting in, but the scrub-to-Hollywood ratio seemed to have dropped up there. Apparently zombies arent very sexy, so the women staffing the event took their fashion cues from the post-apocalyptic theme instead (remember, apocalypse = sexy, rotting flesh = unsexy). There were some zombie-esque characters on stilts, those I dont move human statues, and lots and lots of women ranging from servers in black halter tops and hotpants, to post-apocalyptic dancers in dirty prom dresses and gas masks, to thinly veiled strippers, topless in full-body camo paint.

The showing itself got straight to the point. No speeches and no trailersjust lights out and on with the main event. Apart from the unusually large amount of rustling sounds from everyone opening a ton of free candy, it was a great theatervery loud and a lot of good energy from the crowd.

The movie itself was fun. Its not exactly Cocteaus Beauty and the Beast, but I had a great sugar buzz going and found myself smiling and wincing right through to the end. The movie ended up #1 at the box office in its opening week, so maybe that speaks for itself? Some surprising deaths, cool finishes, and great action sequences. Turn off your inner critic, grab some Goobers, and check it out.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 3:58 pm and is filed under Event Pictures, Feature, Resident Evil®. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.